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Just
for Fun
General
Anecdotes
One Liners
Stupidity
Blonde Jokes
Animal
Jokes
Computer
Jokes
Language Jokes
Lawyer
Jokes
Scientific Jokes
Wisconsin Jokes
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Peel and Win
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A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "Peel and
win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she's peels it off and starts
screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"
The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch."
But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a
motor home!"
Finally the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're
mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't
have that as a prize!"
The blonde says, "No it's not a mistake. I've won a motor
home!"
She hands the ticket to the manager and he reads. (You're gonna love
this)
"W I N A B A G E L "
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Climbing Mt. Everest
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Twenty women were climbing Mt. Everest. Nineteen were blondes and one was a
brunette. As they were ascending a particularly difficult place, all twenty were
hanging on to a single rope. It soon became evident that the rope would soon
break, unless the weight were lessened. So in a fit of charitableness, the
brunette offered to sacrifice herself to save her blonde companions. As she hung
on, preparing to jump, she made a stirring speech about what she was about to
do.
All the blondes applauded.
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The Blind Man and the
Blondes
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A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find
their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while,
the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde
joke?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In
a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that
joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde
and I'm a 6'tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the
woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weightlifter. The lady to your
right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister.
You still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna
have to explain it five times."
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Buy a Ticket
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A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her
business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate
that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please
help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose
my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto."
Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She
again prays... "God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my
house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once
again, she prays... "My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my
business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You
for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. Please let me win
the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as
the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself…
"Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a
ticket."
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Going my way?
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A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in
Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down in the
first empty seat she finds. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to
see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she
will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm
beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!"
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and
tells co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that
belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. So the co-pilot goes back to
the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will
have to leave and return to her allocated seat.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm
beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!"
The co-pilot goes back to the cockpit and tells
the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to
arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. Upon hearing that the
pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a
blonde. I speak 'blonde'."
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear,
and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry", gets up and moves back to her seat in
the Economy section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and
asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her First Class isn't going to
Montreal," he said.
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Flying with a Blonde
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A 747 Jumbo Jet is on a flight from Los Angeles to
Hawaii. Ten minutes into the flight, the Captain's voice comes over the
loudspeaker: "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have lost power in engine #1. We are
in no danger, but our flight will be delayed 1 hour".
Later, the Captain speaks again: "Ladies and
Gentlemen, we have lost power in engine #2. We're sorry, but this will delay us
for 2 hours.
Later still, here comes the Captain on the
speaker again: "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've lost power in engine #3..this
will delay our flight by 3 hours, again, we're sorry for the
inconvenience".
Suddenly, a blonde exclaims: "Gosh! If we
lose one more engine, we're going to be up here forever!"
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Blondes' Revenge
For Blondes who are fed up
with the preceding jokes…
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Q. What is black and blue and brown and lies in a ditch?
A. A brunette who has told too many blonde jokes.
Q. What does a brunette miss about a great party?
A. The invitation.
Q. What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A. A hostage.
Q. Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
A. So brunettes can remember them.
Q. What's the difference between a brunette and the trash?
A. At least the trash gets taken out once a week
Q. What's a brunette's mating call?
A. "Has the blonde left yet?"
Q. What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
A. Invisible.
Q. What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
A. Brown-Bagging it.
Q. What kind of costumes do brunette girls wear on Halloween?
A. They just stand on their heads and go as dirty mops
Q. How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night?
A. Startled.
Q. Why do brunettes like their dark hair color?
A. It doesn't show the dirt.
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