How to tell if a Redneck has been using your computer

10. The monitor is up on blocks.

9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

8. The six front keys have rotted out.

7. The extra Ram slots have Dodge parts installed in them.

6. The numeric keys only go up to six.

5. The password is "Bubba".

4. There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU.

3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-Rom.

2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

       And the #1 sign is
1. The mouse is referred to as "the critter"

High-Tech,
Country Style

Log On Making a wood stove hotter

Log Off Don't add no more wood

Monitor Keeping an eye on the woodstove

Download Getting the farwood out of the pickup

Mega Hertz When yer not careful gittin the farwood

Floppy Disk Whatcha git from trying to carry too much farwood

RAM That thing whut splits the farwood

Hard Drive Getting home in the winter time

Prompt Whut the mail ain't in the winter time

Windows Whut to shut when it's cold outside

Screen Whut to shut when it's black fly season

Byte Whut them flies do

Chip Munchies fer the TV

Micro Chip Whut's left in the munchies bag

Modem Whatcha did to the hay field

Dot Matrix Ole Dan Matrix's wife

Lap Top Whar the kitty sleeps

Keyboard Whar ya hang the keys

Software Them plastic forks and knives

Mouse What eats the grain in the barn

Port Fancy flatlander wine

Enter Northern talk for "y'all c'mon in"

Random Access Memory When ya can't ‘member whut ya paid fer yer rifle when yer wife asks

Mouse Pad Hippie talk fer the rat hole

Cartoons

Windows, Oriental Style

The Web site you seek
Cannot be located,
But countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But, now it is gone.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred?

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.