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"Life is tough.
It's tougher if you're stupid."
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One
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Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an
order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half-dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half-dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the
counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
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Two
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The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple
of months ago. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few
items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I
picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register
and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all
over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to
me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that
today."
She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no
clue what had just happened.
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Three
(Makes you wonder how these people can survive!!!)
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A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said
she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number,
so she was using the ATM "thingy."
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Four
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I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you
need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote
door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they" — she
pointed to a
distant convenient store — "would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car
keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't
you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
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Five
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Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day she was
typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that,
the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
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Six
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I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into
the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole
thing generally looked like an extra in Twister.
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the
"cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
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Seven
(Idiots & Computers)
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My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a
large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with
their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks
who had this question:
"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a
fire downtown?"
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Eight
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Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The
message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the
copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
confessed.
.
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Moron # 1
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A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20
bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the
$20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.
If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, was a crime committed?
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Moron # 2
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A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a
ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled,
"FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!"
For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the
snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It
probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't
have drawn and fired before the thief got him.
The thief ran away and is still at large. In
memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved
"Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
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Moron # 3
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Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a
cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head
at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief
on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window
was made of plexi-glass. The whole event was caught on video tape.
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(Mega) Moron # 4
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As a female shopper exited a New York convenience
store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The
clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed
description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the
snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was
then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID.
To which he replied "Yes Officer, that's
her. That's the lady I stole the purse from. "
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Moron # 5
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The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5am, flashed a gun and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
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Moron # 6
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In Kentucky, two men tried to pull the front off a
cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup
truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled
the bumper off their truck!. Scared, they left the scene and drove home.
With the chain still attached to the machine…
With their bumper still attached to the chain…
With their vehicle's license plate still
attached to the bumper…
They were quickly arrested.
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Moron # 7
(Five-Star Stupidity
Award Winner)
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When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor
home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor-home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was
the best laugh he'd ever had.
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